Summer, Thou Art Long and Intolerable

Today my kids were able to play in the yard. They played on their swingset, dug in the dirt, and blew bubbles.

Today was a very good day.

The last time my kids were able to play outside like this was around July 4th, when we had a freakish spell of beautiful weather for two days. Since then we've been buried under a horrendous pile of heat and humidity. Such is life here in The South, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

And I don't.

I long for temperate climates, where we can spend hours outdoors most days of the year. I long to spend the Summer like the rest of the Country; having cook outs, running through sprinklers, playing tag. Heat indexes of 115 aren't very conducive for outdoor play, no matter how you look at it.

Today our high was in the mid to upper 80s and it was delightful. Still quite warm, and the bugs were out in full force, but it was tolerable. Especially so since our play area is tucked under the shade of an ancient oak tree.

I'm ready to come out of hibernation.

The Things You See at Cracker Barrel

Living in Georgia can be rather...well...interesting. And not just Georgia but the swamps of Georgia, bah Gawd. Since I was born and raised in The South sometimes I don't hardly give certain sights a second glance. Rebel flags flying at a local business? Mullets on grown men wearing sleeveless flannel shirts and work boots? Old ladies with a wad of baccer in their lip? All par for the course of living in the rural South.

The other day we headed to Cracker Barrel for dinner. Cracker Barrel and I have a long history together, including the years I spent in SoCal where there is no Cracker Barrel, if you can imagine such an atrocity. (If you ask me, it's proof that there just ain't something right with those West Coast people.) My husband even took me to Cracker Barrel for our first date, which really, I should have taken as a sign of times to come. Heh.

So we drove into the parking lot and circled around back where we saw a very large truck hooked up to a very large trailer. Inside the trailer were three bulls. Yes, those kind of bulls. Huge! HUGE bulls! We stopped the car to let the kids check them out, and let me tell you...it was slightly unnerving to have just a wee bit of metal in between myself and a very LARGE bull.

I thought about capturing the moment on film, but folks. I like you. You're my friends and I honest to goodness didn't want to subject you to the absolute terror of seeing the gonads on those beasts. Sweet Jesus, the nether regions of those bulls would put Ron Jeremy to shame. #JustSayin Frightening.

Fully traumatized, we drove away from the bulls and headed in for our meal. We chose just the right time because as we exited Cracker Barrel there was a tour bus unloading about 392 senior citizens. My definition of hell? A tour bus full of 392 senior citizens.

As we walked to the car I glanced something that normally wouldn't make me do a double take. But for some reason I chuckled and thought to myself, "You know, not everyone gets to see this. Not everyone would think this is normal.". So I took a picture to share with you. Welcome to Georgia, folks.

New Headers, New Blogs, and New Fan Pages! Oh My!

I have been a busy busy bee behind the scenes. If you're reading this via e-mail or a feed reader you won't be able to tell.....but there's a new header up there! I also created a new header (and total redesign) over at Like it a Latte. But that's not all......

I have a brand spankin new blog! (I know, I know, as if I have time for all this!)

Learning a Latte (cute, right?!) is my new homeschool blog. I'll be sharing our homeschool journey and reviewing curriculum and products that have worked for us. To kick things off I'd love to have guest posts. If you're a homeschooler with a bent towards Classical Education, Unschooling, Montessori, Waldorf, Charlotte Mason, or virtual schooling I want to hear from you!

Since this now brings me to a grand total of three blogs, I thought it may be nice to have one place where you  can keep up with all of them. So.....

I created a Facebook fan page for Lattes and Life!

I'll be updating the Facebook page whenever anything is posted on any of the blogs, so you won't miss a beat. If Facebook is your preferred Social Media platform I'd love to see you over there!

Mandie

She thought I was crazy for going to College.

I thought she was crazy for settling.

Mandie was my best friend. We were both teen moms, trying to grow into our late teens/early twenties while raising our babies. Party girls at heart, we hit the clubs every weekend when we got off work and danced till they kicked us out.

We had very different visions for our future.

I had lofty goals of going to Graduate School and making something of myself. I wanted the degrees, the fancy jobs with fancy titles, and hefty paychecks.

Mandie just wanted to settle down with a nice guy, have enough money to pay the bills, and enjoy life day by day.

When I graduated Community College and was getting ready to transfer to a four year University, I had a long talk with Mandie about our futures. I shared my goals and dreams with her, and worried how I would be able to raise my daughter while making my educational and professional dreams a reality. I encouraged her to go to College; to do more than work the drive thru at McDonald's for crying out loud!

But, Mandie was happy at McDonald's.

We grew apart over the years as I traipsed around the country earning degrees and titles and not-as-hefty-as-I-envisioned paychecks. Mandie married that nice guy and settled into life in their mobile home, raising her kids and taking it a day at a time.

Last year I stumbled upon Mandie's brother on Facebook. I excitedly sent him a message, asking about Mandie. It had been years since I'd run into her and I hadn't been able to find her anywhere online.

He told me Mandie had passed way.

She died.

I didn't ask questions. I only know "she got sick and didn't make it".

Oh, Mandie. 

You were right.

You were so right, girl. And I was so wrong.

What did all that chasing get me? I lost out on so many years with my daughter that I'll never get back. Those stupid degrees and fancy schmancy titles weren't worth it. But you know that. You knew it then, but I was certain I was going to prove you wrong.

Who enjoyed the last ten years more? Mandie, I can assure you. Mandie, with her tiny income and blue collar spouse. Mandie, with her Wal-Mart special wardrobe and GED. Mandie most certainly savored her life much more than I did.

You were right, Mandie. You were right. And I wish had been able to tell you.

I'm Too Sensitive For Friends

I have always been a sensitive soul. Probably too sensitive. Yet my sensitivity is what allows me to love as deeply and passionately as I do, so personally I think it's a good quality.

The downside to being so sensitive is that I spend much of my life with bruised feelings and battered self-esteem. The simplest slight cuts like a knife. Being overlooked is akin to being abandoned in my eyes. Some may say I'm overly dramatic, and they may be right. But my feelings are real and true and raw.

Growing up I was never in the popular crowd. I had a few very close friends and a larger group of people I was friendly with on a casual basis. Becoming a teen mom pretty much sent all my friends scurrying away, and it was a handful of years before I was able to start replacing them.

As a young adult I had a few best friends. My early twenties are fondly bookmarked in my mind by my best friend at the time.

But something happened when I started really growing up and becoming a true adult; I stopped having friends. Without the backdrop of internships or college, making friends wasn't very easy.

It's been over ten years since I had anyone I really considered to be my best friend.

Sometimes I think I'm just too sensitive for friendships. Especially in this day of Social Media on steroids. When I discover someone has blocked me on Twitter, I take it very personally. When a long-lost best friend ignores my friend request on Facebook, I take it very personally. When a fellow blogger who I thought I was building a friendship with stops responding to my tweets and e-mails, I take it very personally.

I want to stay inside my own little part of the world and never come out.

Time and again I put myself out there and try to befriend someone. It terrifies me. I'm terrified of rejection, terrified I won't be cool enough or popular enough or witty enough.

And sometimes, being a Blogger intensifies all those feelings.

When I pour my soul out and I hear crickets in response. When a company asks me to be an Ambassador for a really cool product, then yanks it away. When I get an e-mail that someone has unsubscribed from my blog.

Those things hurt.

I start to question why I even bother putting myself out there. Why continue to blog and write and share and connect with the world?

Why?

Comments closed

Dipping My Toe Back in the Blogosphere

I've been blogging a long time. Four years this December.

This blog and I have been through a lot. Many things happen in four years, especially when you're birthin' and rasin' kids.

Over the years this blog has held numerous places on my list of priorities. It's been way at the top, occupying a lot of my time and energy and focus....and it's been at the bottom, neglected and ignored. A few times I've even contemplated walking away for good.

But something always stops me. Something always brings me back to this little white box where I allow the thoughts that swirl in my mind to pour out through my fingers, providing a little release to the pressure of daily life.

And it is a release. Many times hitting that "publish" button is the equivalent of taking a deep breath. It's cathartic and cleansing, depending on what I'm writing about. Those posts are not merely written; they are born. They begin as a nagging thought that won't go away. The thought becomes bigger and grows, multiplying into strings of words and concepts swarming around my brain. At some point the pressure becomes too much and I have to get them out! Out, out, damn words! Out!

Insert dreamy flashback music to accompany awkward transition in focus.

I've spent the last year struggling with where I belong in the Blogosphere, if I even belong at all. I felt so empowered after Type-A Mom last Fall, but I lost that feeling this year. Time after time I witnessed the ugly side of blogging; the competition, cattiness, cliques. 

So I pulled away.

I spent the last eight months trying to decide what exactly I wanted out of this blog and the Blogosphere in general.

I'm still not one hundred percent certain.

But I know I still have those jumbled words and thoughts that need to get out. I know I still feel that release when I hit "publish" and birth a post into the tangled web of the net.

I know I need to write.

What's Going On Around Here 08/06/10

Lord have mercy, has it really been almost two months since I've done one of these posts?

It's Summer. And I'm hot. (And not in the good way, either).

Over at Type-A Mom; Teen Moms:
1. I published an article of helpful tips for parents who find themselves with a pregnant teen. I wish my Mom had been given a list like this, let me tell ya!
2. Sadly, I resigned my position at Type-A Mom. I submitted one more article that hasn't been published yet, so I'll be sure to share that with you next time.

Over at Like it a Latte:
1. The Playmobil Coast Guard boat has been fun to play with, and earned brownie points with my Father-in-law (Retired USCG).
2.  I've been nibbling and sharing some delish treats the last few months, such as Pillsbury Chocolate Chunk Fudge Brownies,  Betty Crocker Mississippi Mud Bars, Wanchai Ferry frozen entrees, and new bakery products at BJ's Wholesale Club.
3.  We went on a nighttime bug hunt with gear from Backyard Safari Outfitters.
4. I discovered a new app called Road Trip Bingo that really is a lot of fun!
5.  I've been listening to Sarah McLachlan's newest CD titled Laws of Illusion.
6. We love LOVE love our kid-sized table and chairs by Anka. 
7.  There's still time to enter the 1-800-Flowers Summer of Smiles sweepstakes!
8. Find out if Yo Gabba Gabba Live! is coming to a town near you!
9.  We've been rocking out on our Paper Jamz guitar to The Ramones. Yes!
10. Boiron's Arnicare gel is great for Summer bumps and bruises!
11. Karen Neuburger is set to release their Fall line of luxury sleepwear and let me tell you...most comfortable pjs in the world!
12. My kids have played with the Pop on Pals Amusement Park every single day since it arrived!
13.  You could win $2000 in baby photography from Babyphotographers.com!
14.  The latest Coffeehouse Mystery has been released!! I'm giving away a copy, AND a cookbook! Comments close August 10!

Coming up:
I've got a few giveaways waiting in the wings, so you'll want to keep an eye on Like it a Latte. I'm also toying with the idea of hosting a weekly linky thing-a-ma-jig. I have a great idea for one, I'm just not sure if I want to devote myself to hosting it. We'll see.

Happiness; Fleeting Versus Fulfilling

Throughout the years happiness has looked very different at different stages of my life. Like most young girls I had my share of shallow, materialistic happiness. Ooh! Pretty shoes and Ooh! Glittery MAC eyeliner! A designer purse could make me grin from ear to ear. Don't get me wrong, those material things certainly can bring happiness, fleeting though it may be. But fleeting happiness is soon gone, and doesn't leave you fulfilled. It doesn't translate into happiness for the greater good; happiness for mankind.

I've always been a very sensitive soul. As a child I longed to help the homeless, even when I didn't understand the societal issues surrounding it. I didn't understand addiction or poverty. I only knew people were outside, cold or hot and hungry. I didn't think that was right, and I desperately wanted to help.

As a college Senior I had a soul shaking experience inside North Carolina's Death Row. While my fellow students laughed and cracked jokes, I stood shaking and silently weeping. My visceral reaction had nothing to do with any of the multitude of talking points on the issue; I simply hit emotional overload standing in the death chamber. It was more than my sensitive soul could bear.

Over the years my sensitivity to the plight of others led me to work with domestic violence victims, families shattered by child abuse, and all manner of victims of sexual crimes. On the surface I hated these jobs. I cried most Sunday evenings at the mere thought of returning to work on Monday, of the horrifying things I would bear witness to the following week.

In the moment I was not happy. In the moment I could not move beyond my own sensitivity  to realize that I was working to achieve happiness on a greater scale. I was working to achieve happiness for others, to free them from the binds of abuse, to offer them a chance at achieving their own happiness. I know this now, but then I couldn't get past myself.

I've mentioned before how I have an innate need to help. A fire burning inside me to fight for social justice that smolders below the surface, my life as a stay-at-home-mom not providing enough fuel for sufficient ignition of the flames. But when I'm able to find a way, no  matter how seemingly small and insignificant, to promote a cause near and dear to me, that brings me happiness. When I can retweet a link to an article about the need for reform in our Nation's prison system, that makes me happy. When I can sign my name to a petition asking government officials to test evidentiary DNA samples before potentially executing an innocent human, that makes me happy.

A good hair day still makes me happy. A really good latte still makes me very happy. But the kind of happiness that I feel to my bones? The kind of happiness that radiates within and makes me feel like I'm fulfilling my purpose? That comes when I can serve as an agent for social justice. When I can be a rallying cry for those who have lost their voices. When I can shine a spotlight on the hidden injustices in this world, and work towards much needed change. Then I'm truly happy.

Keeping it real: This post is part of the DivaCup Happiness Blog Project. Part of bringing happiness to your life is simplifying things so you can enjoy it to the fullest. What makes you happy? How has your view of happiness evolved over time? The DivaCup offers a simple, worry free, eco-solution to women worldwide every month. Not a tampon, not a pad, finally a better way! www.divacup.com.
In exchange for my involvement with the Happiness Blog Project the DivaCup is donating $100 to The Innocence Project in my honor. I have received no compensation for this post.