Lattes and Life: April 2010

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Why We Homeschool

When my oldest was approaching school age, my mom and Grama wanted her to be homeschooled. I was the wise old age of 20 or so, and in my infinite wisdom I declared that no child of mine would ever be a homeschooled freak! I talked about socializing and shared experiences and norms and so on, but it was a moot point really. My mom worked full time, I was in college full time, and my Grama didn't have the will to homeschool. So off to public school she went.

Immediately, her Kindergarten teacher noticed how bright she was. There was some whisper of skipping her ahead a few grades, but I refused. I had been skipped ahead myself, and it was not a good thing, socially or emotionally. Instead, my daughter was sent to different classrooms for reading and math, two or three grades above her level. Thankfully she attended a teeny tiny rural school so this wasn't as socially traumatizing as it could have been. But it was still rough. I flashbacked to when I was in the gifted program, and went to the super special smart kid class once a month. My friends made fun of me and called me smarty pants and know it all. My daughter experienced much of the same.

Academically, the challenge was there. Sort of. But socially and emotionally it just wasn't working out. When she transitioned into middle school she refused to be acknowledged as gifted...she refused any special academic treatment....she was finished. In high school she refused to enroll in honors classes. She doesn't think she's smart, even though she's an immensely bright young lady with practically perfect grades. But the school system failed her. Much like it failed me. We were taught to be embarrassed of our intelligence, and teased for being smart. We were singled out and separated and treated differently than our peers. And all too often our academic "challenge" came in the form of extra busy work. Not exactly encouraging.

A handful of years ago I spent a year teaching high school and community college. To be perfectly blunt, I was appalled at the lack of education my students had received. One of my students was a high school Senior and he could barely write, couldn't spell the simplest of words, and had no knowledge of any world events, current or historical. Some of my college students didn't even know how to conduct the most basic of research for a paper, never mind how to do a works cited page. And don't even get me started on how often my high school class was interrupted or cancelled for pep rallies or club day. Very little teaching, and poor teaching at that, happened at that school.

So I knew it would be different with my other kids. In the years between my oldest starting Kindergarten and my middlest being born, homeschooling had become a much more appealing option. So when people ask why we homeschool, it's because I refuse to allow the public school system to fail any more of my children.

I've spent three and a half years researching curriculum and programs and methodologies. I've been buying every educational book I see in a used book bin that even remotely looks appealing for the last three years now, and I'm quite impressed with our little library so far. I've poured my heart and soul into this homeschooling journey and we've only just begun. Sure, I could go the easy way out and buy a boxed curriculum or enroll the kids in a virtual charter school. But, if I wanted the easy way out I'd just toss them in public school and be done, right? Instead I've carefully selected curriculum in each subject area that I feel is the best of the best. I want my kids challenged and their interest piqued. I want them to have the innate love of learning that comes from being surrounded by a safe, nurturing, teachable atmosphere. As adults, I want them to remember what year the Second World War ended, and to be able to explain scientific phenomena without having to Google it.

In short, I want my children to have a top quality education, and I don't trust our public school system to provide that anymore. So? We homeschool.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Stepford Mom I Am Not

I've had a rough week.

The preschooler has been a wild man; not listening, running amok, dancing Riverdance on the frayed edges of my nerves. The baby is stuck somewhere between finger foods and bottles and is always eating, but never seems to get much in her belly. So it seems like I'm always fixing her a meal or snack.

It's nothing special...but I feel like a whirling dervish. Spinning, spinning, spinning. I have three kids and there's just not enough of me to go around. I settle in for a nice conversation with my teen, and inevitably the baby falls as she's cruising and needs to be consoled. Or the preschooler wants me to read to him. Someone always needs me, and I feel like I'm not giving each of them enough of me. Maybe because I was an only child, and I used to get 100% of the attention when I was a kid....but I feel like a huge failure because I can't always give my undivided attention to each child.

I look at some of my mom friends and I feel inferior. They post pictures and their homes are so beautiful and clean. They're doing crafts with their kids and everyone is smiling and cheery. They talk about things like "date night", and I don't even know what that means! They never mention tantrums, they ever mention feeling frazzled...they are PERFECT. Like Bree freaking Van de Kamp they're just PERFECT.

So really. How can I talk to them about my struggles? They probably don't even know what it feels like to have a screaming baby, whining toddler, and teenager all clamoring for your attention as dinner burns on the stove and the husband walks in the door and oh dear Lord somebody stinks and the timer is beeping incessantly and......you know? That's probably not something they've ever encountered in Stepford.

My own blog doesn't even feel like a safe place to vent anymore, because every time I take a deep breath and bare my soul, the assholes come along and tell me what a horrible mother I am. They tell me my son is a brat, I'm selfish, and my husband deserves better. They tell me I should go get a job because my kids deserve better than me raising them. I know the ugly trolls are just....ASSHOLES......but when I'm having an "I fail at this" moment, their nasty venom really stings.

I'm not perfect. I don't live on Wisteria Lane or in Stepford. I'm just me...and yeah, sometimes I do suck at this mom gig. But thank God my kids and husband love me anyway! Because seriously, if love was earned like a paycheck.....I'm not so sure I'd be quite as rich as I truly am.