She thought I was crazy for going to College.
I thought she was crazy for settling.
Mandie was my best friend. We were both teen moms, trying to grow into our late teens/early twenties while raising our babies. Party girls at heart, we hit the clubs every weekend when we got off work and danced till they kicked us out.
We had very different visions for our future.
I had lofty goals of going to Graduate School and making something of myself. I wanted the degrees, the fancy jobs with fancy titles, and hefty paychecks.
Mandie just wanted to settle down with a nice guy, have enough money to pay the bills, and enjoy life day by day.
When I graduated Community College and was getting ready to transfer to a four year University, I had a long talk with Mandie about our futures. I shared my goals and dreams with her, and worried how I would be able to raise my daughter while making my educational and professional dreams a reality. I encouraged her to go to College; to do more than work the drive thru at McDonald's for crying out loud!
But, Mandie was happy at McDonald's.
We grew apart over the years as I traipsed around the country earning degrees and titles and not-as-hefty-as-I-envisioned paychecks. Mandie married that nice guy and settled into life in their mobile home, raising her kids and taking it a day at a time.
Last year I stumbled upon Mandie's brother on Facebook. I excitedly sent him a message, asking about Mandie. It had been years since I'd run into her and I hadn't been able to find her anywhere online.
He told me Mandie had passed way.
She died.
I didn't ask questions. I only know "she got sick and didn't make it".
Oh, Mandie.
You were right.
You were so right, girl. And I was so wrong.
What did all that chasing get me? I lost out on so many years with my daughter that I'll never get back. Those stupid degrees and fancy schmancy titles weren't worth it. But you know that. You knew it then, but I was certain I was going to prove you wrong.
Who enjoyed the last ten years more? Mandie, I can assure you. Mandie, with her tiny income and blue collar spouse. Mandie, with her Wal-Mart special wardrobe and GED. Mandie most certainly savored her life much more than I did.
You were right, Mandie. You were right. And I wish had been able to tell you.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Mandie
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10 espresso shots:
Oh this brought a tear to my eye! I am sad for you (although we have never met and most likely never will!).
Hind-sight is a cruel thing to see through. All of those 'could haves' and 'should haves' will just torture you.
Aww, I'm so sorry! But don't think that your going to college wasn't worth it. You followed your dreams and your daughter seems to be a very bright young woman. And I'm sure she has some respect for you because of that, even if she doesn't tell you.
My mother missed most of our years growing up because she was going to college, too. And I know that if, for nothing else, I respect her for follow her dreams and succeeding.
Your post really touched me. And made me think. But you know what, you don't know if she really enjoyed the last ten years. Maybe she dreamed of a way out. Of a better life. Of a fancy title. Don't beat yourself up. You be the best that you could andnmade the best decisions that you could.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.
Everyone has a different path to take. You took what was right for you, and she did the same for her.
This was a lovely tribute to her.
Oh Tiffany!
I am so sorry you lost her without finding her again <3 I hope she did enjoy her life, but don't beat yourself up about your choices either.
I'm so sorry...but if that's the kind of person she was, I'm guessing she'd give you a hug and tell you to be glad of the life you have. She sounds like a wonderful person.
I'm so sorry to hear about Mandie, I hope her life was as enjoyable for her as you think it was.
I'm not sure that path wasn't right for you and your daughter. We weren't teen parents but did take our daughter right after she was first born back to school. She grew up on campus watching us go off to class, study and work at the university. She met our profs and university administration. Now she knows what university life is like and knows she can do it as well. Whether I do anything with my degrees or not, its nice to know that our daughter sees her time in college kind of like going home again.
Wow. Short post, but what a punch! I'm so sorry you lost your friend and did not have the chance to tell her how much her life choices meant to you. Maybe one day, when her children are older, you can write them a letter about your friendship. How Mandie drove down a different path and valued her family. It would be a glimpse at the respect and value their mother clearly had.
Man, this brought tears to my eyes... even if you weren't a teen mom, you can totally take something out of this.
That being said, you did your very, very best with your life and your girl. My mom did the same... had me at 17 and worked her butt off to get ahead in life and make something for us. And if it's any consolation? I know without a doubt that she did it because she loved me to pieces and wanted nothing less than everything. I am willing to bet that your daughter knows exactly that.
Hugs to you, friend.
Oh, Tiffany.
I have a Mandie, too. Her name was Tiffany, and I've always regretted that we lost touch for years before she passed away from leukemia. We (her best "friends") didn't approve of her marrying her husband at 19, but he was with her all that time while we were all off at college. It makes my heart hurt to think that she's gone.
I wish I could give you a hug. Life's not fair.
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