I'm Too Sensitive For Friends

I have always been a sensitive soul. Probably too sensitive. Yet my sensitivity is what allows me to love as deeply and passionately as I do, so personally I think it's a good quality.

The downside to being so sensitive is that I spend much of my life with bruised feelings and battered self-esteem. The simplest slight cuts like a knife. Being overlooked is akin to being abandoned in my eyes. Some may say I'm overly dramatic, and they may be right. But my feelings are real and true and raw.

Growing up I was never in the popular crowd. I had a few very close friends and a larger group of people I was friendly with on a casual basis. Becoming a teen mom pretty much sent all my friends scurrying away, and it was a handful of years before I was able to start replacing them.

As a young adult I had a few best friends. My early twenties are fondly bookmarked in my mind by my best friend at the time.

But something happened when I started really growing up and becoming a true adult; I stopped having friends. Without the backdrop of internships or college, making friends wasn't very easy.

It's been over ten years since I had anyone I really considered to be my best friend.

Sometimes I think I'm just too sensitive for friendships. Especially in this day of Social Media on steroids. When I discover someone has blocked me on Twitter, I take it very personally. When a long-lost best friend ignores my friend request on Facebook, I take it very personally. When a fellow blogger who I thought I was building a friendship with stops responding to my tweets and e-mails, I take it very personally.

I want to stay inside my own little part of the world and never come out.

Time and again I put myself out there and try to befriend someone. It terrifies me. I'm terrified of rejection, terrified I won't be cool enough or popular enough or witty enough.

And sometimes, being a Blogger intensifies all those feelings.

When I pour my soul out and I hear crickets in response. When a company asks me to be an Ambassador for a really cool product, then yanks it away. When I get an e-mail that someone has unsubscribed from my blog.

Those things hurt.

I start to question why I even bother putting myself out there. Why continue to blog and write and share and connect with the world?

Why?

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