I've had a rough week.
The preschooler has been a wild man; not listening, running amok, dancing Riverdance on the frayed edges of my nerves. The baby is stuck somewhere between finger foods and bottles and is always eating, but never seems to get much in her belly. So it seems like I'm always fixing her a meal or snack.
It's nothing special...but I feel like a whirling dervish. Spinning, spinning, spinning. I have three kids and there's just not enough of me to go around. I settle in for a nice conversation with my teen, and inevitably the baby falls as she's cruising and needs to be consoled. Or the preschooler wants me to read to him. Someone always needs me, and I feel like I'm not giving each of them enough of me. Maybe because I was an only child, and I used to get 100% of the attention when I was a kid....but I feel like a huge failure because I can't always give my undivided attention to each child.
I look at some of my mom friends and I feel inferior. They post pictures and their homes are so beautiful and clean. They're doing crafts with their kids and everyone is smiling and cheery. They talk about things like "date night", and I don't even know what that means! They never mention tantrums, they ever mention feeling frazzled...they are PERFECT. Like Bree freaking Van de Kamp they're just PERFECT.
So really. How can I talk to them about my struggles? They probably don't even know what it feels like to have a screaming baby, whining toddler, and teenager all clamoring for your attention as dinner burns on the stove and the husband walks in the door and oh dear Lord somebody stinks and the timer is beeping incessantly and......you know? That's probably not something they've ever encountered in Stepford.
My own blog doesn't even feel like a safe place to vent anymore, because every time I take a deep breath and bare my soul, the assholes come along and tell me what a horrible mother I am. They tell me my son is a brat, I'm selfish, and my husband deserves better. They tell me I should go get a job because my kids deserve better than me raising them. I know the ugly trolls are just....ASSHOLES......but when I'm having an "I fail at this" moment, their nasty venom really stings.
I'm not perfect. I don't live on Wisteria Lane or in Stepford. I'm just me...and yeah, sometimes I do suck at this mom gig. But thank God my kids and husband love me anyway! Because seriously, if love was earned like a paycheck.....I'm not so sure I'd be quite as rich as I truly am.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
A Stepford Mom I Am Not
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17 espresso shots:
You're certainly not the only one who feels like they're failing at this HUGE job of motherhood/house management/rearing kids people will actually like/being a supportive wife.
All I can say is that you are rich. Your family loves you and they'd be lost without you.
Good for you for making the effort to turn the vent into a positive. And as far as trolls, I don't know what kind of pain or self hatred a person must have to spew it on everything they see. Consider the source and move on. You have more fans than trolls.
I couldn't have said it better myself. I feel exactly the same way. I chose to make my blog private b/c I fear the anonymous comments. I'm not nearly strong enough to deal with that kind of stuff. I wish I was but I know me, and i am not.
You're not alone! I feel like an outcast most of the time.
I can't believe you're getting comments like that? WTF is up with that?
I would say I feel like you feel in this most more than half of the time. I would LOVE to be the super mom who bakes and crafts and cleans and has great date night romps with my husband but that's not happening so much over here.
Date nights happen twice a year if we're lucky. Craft time consists of me tossing some crayons on the table in hopes that it'll keep one child occupied while I spend some time with the other. And preschool tantrums? - Lordy we have those every day.
Hang in!
Why do people gotta be mean? I just don't get it. Instead of word verification, there should be mean verification.
You are doing an amazing job. And being a mom is hard work. And it's never done! But you do an amazing job.
You are not alone! We've had a seriously rough week here too. Seriously. Preschooler has been whining every effing second of the day for a week. Toddler alternates between crying (he's either teething or he hates me) and breaking things (lamps, CDs, baby gates,plates, etc.) My house is a mess, there is a whole week's worth of laundry that needs to be folded. I made my husband do the dishes when he got home from work and then wouldn't even "snuggle" because all I want is some personal freaking space. Yeah. So not perfect.
But you know what? I don't expect my husband or kids to be perfect either, and I think we're all better off for it.
Wow, I can't believe people send you those messages....I'm not a mom... many of my friends are mothers and I listen to them. From the stay at home mom, whose children seem idealistic, to my friends who are just learning how to balance motherhood and careers... they all feel the same way....they are all pretty sure they are the world's worst mother...They are amazing women and their kids are fine... If you are a bad mother....oh my, what will I be?
From one who used to cook for her dog when needed, I can't criticize the desire to make baby food. I get it. But, I met a woman who devotes her life to her baby ... not only did she make her own baby food and use cloth diapers (without a service), she made her own baby laundry detergent. She had different recipes too ...and at that moment I said to myself, I will never make my own diaper detergent. I will never be the perfect mom....and my kids will thank me for it....I wont make the detergent, but I'll make sure their nanny or my husband speaks to them in a different language so they have a better chance of being bilingual.
Let's face it, I'll buy Gerber's. However, when it comes to birthdays, they are going to have the best cupcakes and know that I stayed up all night to make them or that I took the time to teach them how to make the cupcakes... and you do that know with your kids now....
And watching you every day juggle 15 things at once will help them learn to multitask and deal with life....they will learn that life doesn't have to be perfect. Sometimes it isn't, but everything still turns out OK. A burned dinner isn't the end of the world.... and when they are in their 30s they will wonder how you did it all....and only remember one or two failed dinners from their childhood....and the 50 things that they loved.
Oh, girl, I feel ya. Last week I stepped in baby poop that had been mashed into my shag carpeting and thought, "I'll bet Donna Reed never had this freaking problem." And, I find it hard to believe that anyone has everything together all the time. When I take pictures of our crafts to post on my blog I nearly always end up moving a huge pile of clutter so it doesn't end up looking like my house is a total mess all the time.
Between all the drama and chaos of three kids around here I feel like I can't get a moment's peace. Which is also why I've had a drafted email to you sitting in my Gmail for over a week. I promise I'm not being rude and ignoring your email!
Anyways, I think you are doing a fantastic job balancing everything. If you were a Stepford Mom your blog wouldn't be nearly as fun to read! : )
You're definitely not a bad mother at all. Trust me, my house is NEVER clean. I clean it and a few hours later it looks like a hurricane blew through all over again. I can't decide if it's from the cats, the baby or the man of the house!
There is no such thing as a stepford mom. If someone tells you or appears to have a perfect, suburnany life, it is all a facade. No one lives a perfect life. We all do the best we can.
Don't be so hard on yourself. I guarantee you that those seeminly perfect moms are dealing with the very same issues. You can never know what is truly going on in someone else's life simply by looking at the "outside packaging". {{hugs}}
ugh. i so wish i could send you a latte - even a virtual one! a gian hot lattee, complete with a lovely view of a flower-laden meadow, a rocking chair, a butler...
i hope a moment of peace sneaks into your day SOON. i don't have kids yet, so i don't totally understand. but i get how crappy it is to feel like you're flailing through the day/week/month/year while someone else is joyously skipping by. yuck.
can't believe those 'ugly trolls' think its' ok to leave comments like that. some people... i, for one, am thrilled you're not a stepford wife. you take care.
Those moms who swear they have it all together, who's houses are perfect, who JUDGE harshly. Well, they are all liars. No one has it all together. No mom really knows what she is doing. We all just make it up as we go along. Don't feel bad about posting your bad days or mistakes. That's part of what blogging is for, and way to relate with others, mistakes and all.
Oh honey. I know those feelings. I have those feelings all the time. I told you I think that we just hired a babysitter and are now having regular, stress-free date nights. Time alone with my husband makes such a difference in how I feel about myself. If you can't swing it, have a date in your kitchen with candles and wine. It's close enough! Also, the mom gig feels hard because, Dude. It is hard. We're all treading water here. My house is an effing disaster area most of the time. We do what we can. We manage. We handle it. Those girls with the spotless homes are probably not hanging with their kids. On Wisteria Lane, they hire help.
Well at least you aren't always gone like me. Ha. Anyways, I used to feel that way too but I put it all out there and when I do I found that these "bree's", have plenty of stories to share and just spew forth, they just need someone to get them started. Then we all take a big deep breath.
Some people are better at hiding things and that is all. We ALL have days like this. Trolls, are just that. They spew hate, judge and don't think about how they are hurting those around them, which is probably why they are so miserable all the time.
Okay, so I'm rather late in commenting, I know. Over in my decidedly non-Stepford household, I'm trying not to drown with just one kid, never mind three...
I think I suck much more badly than you do.
*hugs*
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