I read a blog post today...I can't remember who it was (it was the amazing Mommy Melee and this post). I followed a link someone tweeted, and I can't even remember who tweeted it. The blogger was talking about how torn she feels as a work-at-home-mom. She feels like her kids will never look up to her; aspire to be her. That all they see is her sitting on the couch with her laptop. She made a statement about her son not realizing she's working....all he knows is she's on the computer and not available to her. I believe she used the phrase "neglecting him".
As I read that post I felt sucker punched. How many times have I told Aiden to wait a minute because I'm in the middle of some blog or twitter thing? How many times have I become frustrated that he wants my attention and I can't finish a blog post? A thought came out of nowhere and has stayed with me all day........I didn't choose to stay home to be a blogger. I chose to stay home to be a mom. I chose to stay home because I want to experience all the minute details of my kid's day. I want to be present for all the discoveries they make as they grow and learn about the world. I asked myself today, "So how's that working for ya?". (I'm a Dr. Phil fan...sue me).
Truth be told? It's not working for me. As my pregnancy progressed, I became less and less involved with Aiden and more and more involved with my laptop. Mostly out of a physical need to rest....I just couldn't get down and play on the floor and chase him and do all the things I used to. So I sat around, and the laptop kept me occupied while he did his own thing. Same was true for my early postpartum weeks.
But now? Now I'm almost six weeks postpartum and am pretty much back to full mobility. I can get down on the floor and play. I can dance with Aiden and sing. But I'm in the habit of telling him no. I'm in the habit of sitting around with my laptop open, tweeting my day away. I may be fully present online, but I'm not fully present in my own house. I even caught myself tuning out my husband tonight, as he told me about his day. Why? Because I was engrossed in a blog post I was reading. Ugh.
So I'm pulling the plug. Instead of leaving Tweetdeck open all day, I'll only open it when my kids don't need my attention. I'll get into a new habit of blogging during nap times, or when the kids are having some individual play. It's time to unplug the laptop and plug back in to my family. Because as much as I love ya'll, I chose to stay home for them.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
I'm Pulling The Plug
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Amen, sister! Good for you for recognizing your habit and making a decision to change it! I hope you inspire other stay at home mom bloggers to do the same :)
PS: Both of mine are still sleeping. I am in the habit of waking up painfully early to get my blog, tweet, facebook & email time. When they wake up, I'm all theirs!
This is a fantastic post. I feel somedays way too connected as well.
I feel I've gotten better at the balance - primarily because my husband is home with me during the days on parental leave so my son always has some attention.
I now blog/tweet primarily at night when they are in bed, or during naps. I'm still working on that balance too though because it eats into my alone time with DH.
I also do it during quiet time or when I'm nursing/putting the baby to sleep. During the day you probably can tell when she's nursing based on the time I'm tweeting!
Thanks for the reminder why we are at home. ;)
I often feel the same way. I say "just a minute" way too much to my kids. Between the laptop and the sewing machine some days I feel like I am not giving them enough of my time.
I do have a business to run, and things that need to get done every day so there are times when they do have to wait. My precious daughter also talks non-stop all day long, barely even stopping to breathe. So it's hard to answer every single question and maintain that level of involvement 14 hours a day. On the whole though I need to shut the damn computer off more and be more present for them.
Good post.
Nice reality check.
Thank you!
very, very good call. I considered bringing my computer upstairs instead of the basement but reconsidered because I'd be on it ALL the time. the smart phone doesn't help, but it's better than my computer.
I think it's smart not to call off computer time altogether, as that's unrealistic. You've got good goals, mama!
Best of luck with that! I should take a hint and join your efforts.
I think as SAHMs we find ourselves craving adult interaction - that's the case with me at least - and that's why we spend so much time on the computer.
I have been trying to cut down too, and it's nice to see another mom going through the same thing. I loved this post, it was so honest!
I am a WAHM too and sometimes find myself saying the same thing. It's time to enjoy the kids when they're young and *want* to be with us.
Thanks for the reminder!
I consciously have to remind myself not to "plug in" when I get home after work. I only have 4 hours with the kids before they go to bed and need to make those hours count. It's not easy though...the lure of online relationships is tempting. But my kids are more important. Thanks for the reminder, my friend.
This is actually a good reminder for us all. My kids are grown and I have a 2 year old granddaughter (so I'm OLD = LOL!) Sometimes I find myself doing the same sort of thing to my husband and blogging or tweeting should NOT be more important than him!
It's so hard, isn't it? I read an article recently about internet addiction in new moms. It really makes sense -- you're stuck at home, isolated, w/ no adult interaction all day.
Since I am also a freelancer writer as well as a blogger, I feel "justified" in hiring a sitter a few hours a week. That's when I do my writing and sometimes blogging, though that mainly happens when the kids are asleep.
I don't think you have to unplug completely, but you're right to want to be present for your son most of the time.
Thanks for checking out my post. I seriously love that razor. And, no, no one paid me to say so. :)
The computer life/real life balance is hard. It shouldn't be so hard, but it is. Sigh... :(`
Well put. As a stay at home Mom most days for me also i find the computer a relaxing thing to do also. I know i like to go to the computer quite a bit. I need to move away from it myself. Focus on my children more. I do pay attention to my family but i think there is more i could do.
It's a fine line ~ one I'm still learning to balance. Your post definitely helped put it into perspective. Thanks
Good for you! It is important to put your children and husband first above all work! The kids won't be around forever!
Good for yoooouuu!!! I went through a very similar phase when I was pregnant. I was tired, and just wanted to be on the computer. Because there, I felt somewhat productive without having to move. I was used to my husband picking up the slack when it came to the toddler. And then after I had the baby... same thing. One day, I too realized, that I was spending entirely too much time on my stupid computer, and quit doing blog giveaways, and quit doing etsy crap, and started spending way more time with my kids. As a result of that, I've actually started blogging more, only, now all I have to talk about, IS my kids, because thats all I do. But, good for you. You must feel so motivated and in control when you close the laptop and focus on your family. I know I do :)
xx Tia
Preach it! 'Cause I need to hear it. Thanks!
Oh <3, this is a really wonderful post about perspective. Go you for realising what was important to you and your family and following through. Hurrah! :)
I was affected by her post too, and like what youve had to say here. Balance is SO hard. I know it is. The blogger was @mommymelee on twitter by the way.
Thanks for the sucker punch as you have called it. I think I needed that more than you.
sigh...I hate when God shows me parts of myself I hate.
Wow! Well said!
I don't even have a blog or at-home business and I know I'm on the computer too much- my 3 kids tell me so! We homeschool, so I get online while they're working "on their own", but then when they need help, they usually hear, "just a minute".
Thanks for the reminder of why I stay home!
(p.s. saw your post on Lifeasmom.com)
Great insight! Thanks for sharing!
Balance is hard...but balance is a must. And let's face it - the computer is a HUGE time sucker!
I feel like these words were coming out of my own mouth...er hands. You know what I mean! Thanks for the reminder - family first!
I'm sorry my post made you feel sad, but I'm really glad it pushed you to make changes that make you happy.
I used to work full time and now I set my own schedule, which unfortunately is still during the day most of the time. I don't blog for a living though I do spend way too much time on Twitter and reading blogs when I'm not doing paid work.
I'm fortunate that my child care happens here in my house, which gives me way more time with the kids than I had when I worked and commuted.
Anyway, no idea where I'm going with this other than... Hi. :)
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