Savannah's Birth Story; My Way

I'm not one of those women who share birthing stories with wild abandon. I don't like to read them either. I've never quite understood why women with otherwise intact boundaries feel the need to share every last detail of their children's birth with complete strangers. I really don't need to know about waters breaking, episiotomies, sutures, or any other malady unless I'm related to you by blood.

With that being said, I know other people have an odd desire to know such information. So to make both of us happy I'll share....but in my own way. I now present you with Savannah's Birth Story; The Real Deal.

Friday morning, bright and early...okay not so bright. It was actually more like monsoon conditions outside, but whatever.....I had my amnio. Ironically, it was the easiest, most painless procedure of the childbirth process. I had my eyes closed the entire time so I can't tell you how big the needle was....and my mom chickened out and couldn't go in the room with me, so I have no eyewitness account. But honestly? I barely felt it. I got stuck twice, because after the first stick Miss Savannah arched her back and the doctor couldn't do his thing. The whole procedure was over in less than five minutes. The results were back in less than two hours, and we had mature lungs! Go straight to delivery, do not pass go....

I checked into the hospital.....and whoever decided it was a good idea to put a dadgum coffee/bakery kiosk in between the front door and admissions, which I had to walk past after an amnio and nothing to eat or drink since two in the morning...when I set my alarm and inhaled a granola bar...should be shot. Seriously.

Checked in...got my room....IV in...strapped to monitors....blood pressure cuff applied..all that fun stuff. OB came in to chat. Anesthesiologist came by....and in less than two hours I was in the Operating Room. The spinal was pure hell. The anesthesiologist was very thorough, and I really liked him a lot. He just hurt me. Bad. I ended up having a nurse hold me while I collapsed in her arms. It sucked.

Then I got my catheter. That was kind of a relief, after battling a UTI for the last week.

Ya'll remember how big I got, right? One of the OR staff had to use a step stool to assist with my c-section. Yea. That doesn't happen everyday.

The C-section was pretty awful too. It took a lot longer than my first...and I felt pretty much like crap the entire time. Lots of hot flashes, nausea, gagging, anxiety. It wasn't pleasant. After the final cut, and the geyser of fluid that erupted from my uterus (seriously..it was under pressure folks)....Miss Savannah made her appearance.

Is that not the largest umbilical cord you have ever seen? What was THAT all about?

Wayne brought her over to see me...but I couldn't see a darn thing from my vantage point. I tried to smile anyway, since I had a camera shoved in my face and all.

But this is what I really felt like.

A short stay in recovery...and I was back in my room. I really have very little recollection of what happened for a few hours. I know my OB came in and played matchbox cars with my son, on the floor. That was pretty cool. Eventually the room stopped spinning and I could open my eyes. I had a very short window between that and the all-consuming nausea and throwing up of red Popsicles. My family took over with Savannah and I gave in to Phenergan and passed out.

Happy Birthday Savannah!!!