Looking at his sweet, precious, sleeping face last night I wondered; will he ever forgive me? His world is about to be rocked to the very core; will he ever forgive me? I wonder if he wonders where his mommy went. The mommy who crawled on the floor with him, chased him though the house, let him climb all over her. Where did she go? The mommy he has today spends the bulk of her days on the couch, and he's left to watch entirely too much TV. He's already had his mommy stolen by the pregnancy...how will he react when mommy gets stolen again by the new baby?
He and mommy used to be *tight*. But that tightness has slipped away a little over the last 34.5 weeks. He still snuggles and kisses, but mommy senses a change. Mommy doesn't feel like she's being a good mommy to him anymore, and she wants so badly to go back to the way things used to be. But things will never be that way again. It will never be just mommy and Aiden again. How will he adjust? How will mommy adjust?
Will he ever forgive me?
I feel like I've let him down in so many ways. I'm not the mom I want to be right now, nor have I been for most of this pregnancy. And I just don't foresee it getting any better in the near future. If I'm not the mom I want to be now, how good of a Mom will I be when I'm sleep deprived and at the beck and call of a newborn? Where will Aiden fit in then? What can I possibly have left to give him then?
Some days I so badly want to just go back to the way things used to be. My complete and utter heartbreak over how this is affecting Aiden doesn't allow me to get excited about the new baby. When I think of her arriving in three and a half weeks, my stomach turns and I'm so scared. So so scared of what Aiden will feel and think.
Please, tell me it gets better. Tell me he'll adjust. Tell me not I'm doing irreparable damage to his psyche. Tell me I'll stop crying, and my heart will be big enough for everyone.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
And Three's A Crowd?
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It will, sweetie, it will all be fine. I felt like I was "cheating" on Joshua when I was pregnant with Sophie, and especially when she demanded so much of me as a newborn - but now? They take so much delight in each other, I know neither of them would have it any other way!
You'll get through! And Aiden won't remember life without his sis.
It is normal to grieve for the days that it was just the two of you but think of it like this: you have given him the foundation of security in your love. Siblings are always an adjustment but a positive one- Aiden and his mommy will be fine!
It will all work out I promise! I got teary reading that since I have felt the exact same way with each new baby I brought into this world! He will absolutely LOVE his new lil sis! No things wont be the same but things will be BETTER I promise!
hey T :) I totally agree with the earlier comments, and though I don't have any little ones, my sister does and she had the same worries when she had her daughter (her son is 2 years older). He wasn't sure about his sister at first, but with lots of guidance and love from Mom & Dad, he's grown into a loving big brother. He's very protective and generous with her (he insisted that she have a present on his birthday, and he's only 4), and she adores him and tries to do everything he does. Love is wonderful like that -- how does that saying go? The more love you have, the more you have to give away? It's true!
Awww, it will get better, really. It's definitely an adjustment for the whole family, but it will get better. My little ones are happily playing at the moment, and I think they are really lucky to have each other. My daughter is also much closer to my husband now than she might have been if she were an only child.
That said, if you think you feel guilty now just wait until you are yelling at the older one to please stop trying to smother/hit/bite/stomp the little one . . . all day long, every single day, morning to night.
Awwww, I've so been there!! With my first I felt that way about the dog! You are giving him the best gift possible. Nothing beats a sibling. :)
My son says the best gift I ever gave him was his brother and sister. It definitely changed his world and our time together, but he is so happy to have siblings to share his days with. Your son will love having a little one too!
I so promise you that the way you are feeling is so very normal. I can remember when I was Pg with my son Reed. Philip was my only child and I felt like I really was letting Philip down by forcing him to share me as a mom.
Your heart will love both of them so much you will feel like you are going to burst. And your son will be so excited to have you and his new baby ..
Try to not be so hard on yourself. You are just tired...
You're giving him a great big gift: a sibling to boss around, look after, and someday love. One day, hopefully sooner rather than later, he'll be grateful for it. My sister is one of my best friends, and one of my greatest joys in life now, as a mother, is watching my daughter interact with her cousins. I feel a different kind of guilt--I only have one. That's when I'm grateful my sister provided two cousins to harass my child and give her a taste of what I grew up with.
Oh my gosh. My heart just goes out to you. I felt the exact same way. But Bug's here and Wog's really doesn't know the difference. He's even happier because he has a new plaything, who laughs at his silliness and tackles him with hugs and kisses. My heart really can love two. It's a different love for each. And I can't really explain that... only to say that its enormous and equal but different. Of course, my patience with both is stretched, but they're so little and so forgiving when I overreact. I really am so much more enriched... just like everyone told me.
{{HUGS}}
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